As a trauma therapist I’ve often worked with people on developing their resilience in dealing with traumatic events, relationships, and upbringings. In our Western society, we often think of resilience as something we need to build on our own so that we can be more independent. The truth is we are all much more interdependent than we may believe, and it is through this interdependence that we can heal. When people are depressed, they commonly complain of feeling quite alone, lonely and disconnected. Human beings crave connection in their lives. It can be to nature, it can be to our pets, and most of all, it can be to one another if we’ve developed enough capacity to trust and let in others. In addition to taking place in real time, that interconnection also occurs through our memories of those who have supported us along the way.
For example, in EMDR therapy, (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing), a well-researched way to work with trauma, one starts by delving into who and what the client feels a healthy attachment as far as resources that are nurturing, protective and wise, as well as a safe place. It could be a late grandmother who was understanding when others were not, a caring friend, or one’s kind fifth grade teacher from years earlier. The importance here is that there’s a positive emotional connection the person feels. In then “tapping” in each resource, through actual tapping or other forms of bilateral stimulation, (it could be through eye movement, light, sound or tactile stimulation), on either side of the body, the individual is creating an internal “team” that they can turn to when things feel challenging and even overwhelming. People often report feeling calmer after connecting with their inner resources, and that life feels a little more manageable. This can also be viewed as pendulation, or pendulating between what feels upsetting into a space that feels more supportive and relaxing.
Another aspect of building greater resilience I’d like to discuss here is the importance of working in small, manageable steps rather than taking on large pieces of work at a time. This is called titration. When we consider doing just a little bit of work, just even two per cent, we are titrating the work so that it is not so overwhelming, and the person thinks, “I can do that,” often feeling more willing to try as it can feel safer.
The terms pendulation and titration are both key concepts in another form of trauma therapy called Somatic Experiencing which focuses on managing emotion through noticing body sensation, particularly bringing awareness to supporting healthy regulation of the nervous system. Here, there’s a lot of time spent on helping the person notice what they’re feeling in their body and where—is it in their chest, their neck, back or belly? In doing this the person becomes more aware of how their emotions connect to their body and vice versa.
No one lives in a vacuum, and the hope is that the person has social support in their life, and/or is willing to build on these supports. Building greater internal resilience in the ways described above, can often lead to a greater desire to and confidence in reaching out to others thus experiencing a fuller, more satisfying, and connected life.
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